In the United States Declaration of Independence, some inalienable rights are established to be: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
What is so very interesting about Thomas Jefferson’s phrasing is that he didn’t write, “happiness”, he wrote, “the pursuit of happiness”. It is a right to chase happiness, and whether you find happiness is up to you because some people are happier to be reclusive and some are happier to live in nudist colonies.
So we (Americans and otherwise) set out to be find things to make us happy. We like coffee a lot. Sex isn’t bad. A sunrise through a mountain vista can be nice. Oh, and eggs benny at my favourite brunch place with my pals! Oh, and when I get off the plane after being away for weeks and my family is there at the airport to get me and smiling so big.
As we’ve explored in other posts, we are fairly clueless about what makes us happy. We can’t even really define what happiness is. Fleeting sensual stimuli that come from eating, touching or seeing often just distract us from all the other unpleasant crap we do with our lives. Are we happy on vacation or just sufficiently removed from the humdrum? Are we happy at family reunions or just lucky we have people to connect with easily? Are we happy with money in the bank or just relieved from financial pressure? Is happiness what exists when the loneliness, stress or boredom cease?
I don’t think happiness is a concept worth exploring because it is one of the many words in the language that has been beaten excessively by the ambiguity stick and is also far too subjective a concept. So rather than talk about happiness, let’s talk about a life well lived.
We have looked at the purpose of life and determined that our job is to simply be our most selfiest selves. And part of our self edification is to engage our souls in activities that allow us to blur the boundaries between us and our environments (the flow concept) because this facilitates a form of activity that doesn’t just flood our brains with endorphins, it engages us in unparalleled ways. Moreover, this does not take the form of pursuit. Rather, we obey. We are impelled by internal, palpable forces beyond our control to move toward these activities because the core of our being is attracted to it like a magnet that draws us in. So the secret all along is not that happiness needs to be pursued, but rather that a life of soulful contentment needs to be followed.
A more profound and important dimension of happiness is that notion that we need to feel good to be happy. We need to smile through tough times, avoid negativity, bring brightness and humour to all situations. The primary issue with this approach is that it’s judgemental. Light is better than dark. Vibrant flowers are better than plants. Laughter is better than tears. Judgement misperceives and miscategorizes in an attempt to protect us from feeling fear, doubt, loss or suffering. Nothing is better than its complement. And like the yin and yang concept, nothing can exist without its complement. We can perceive it as such, but we do ourselves a disservice when we judge light as better than dark we same way we perceive youth as better than age. Neither is better, but some sides of a symbiotic pairing do make life easier or more comfortable, like youth makes strenuous activity easier and flowers smell more fragrant than plants.
Meaningful learning and growth do not come from comfort and ease. Learning that getting served mai tais in the sun is nice is not exactly a eureka moment.. In fact, we know that the strongest swords are forged in the hottest fire, and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When we start learning a new language or taking our first steps, it’s really daunting and difficult. We fail and fall and experience pain and discomfort. When we have our first romantic relationships we also fail and fall and experience loss. When we acquire professional skills we fail and fall and experience hardship and embarrassment. And by the time we’ve gotten through it we have greater competence and ability in brand new ways impossible to gain unless we are willing to struggle, fail and fall.
A life well lived is a big life. It’s a life that explores your greatest potential and experiences the most variable experiences, which also happen to be the most memorable. Life fundamentally includes pain and loss and failure. And the prize is growth and learning and richness. So do not pursue happiness. Follow your internal forces into challenges, and in doing so, live your biggest life possible.
